Keeping Up Appearances
by Lyria Padfoot
Summary: An Auror who's engaged to Sirius Black has to play girlfriend to Severus Snape in order to infiltrate the Death Eaters. Is it worth it?? Probably not, but it's pretty funny. PLEASE R/R!!


Story Title: Keeping Up Appearances  
  
Author: Lyria Padfoot  
  
Rating: PG-13 for a bit of... wait, why am I telling you? Read and you'll see.  
  
Feedback/Posting: To LashaPadfootOfGondor916@yahoo.com  
  
Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling. But Lyria is mine!! I made her up!!  
  
Summary: Lyria Strider, in an effort to spy on some Death Eaters, needs a way to get close to them... so she has to play girlfriend to one Severus Snape. What does her soon-to-be husband Sirius Black think of this??  
  
  
  
As soon as the owl arrived, Lyria Strider left her flat and took off for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. She ran up to Professor Dumbledore's office...  
  
And ran directly into Severus Snape.  
  
Blech.  
  
Being much shorter and rather petite, Lyria fell to the floor with a thud. "Watch it!" She barked. "Where are you going anyway?"  
  
"To see the headmaster. What are you doing here?" He sneered.  
  
"I'm here to see Professor Dumbledore about... oh, no..."  
  
Differences—and there certainly were many—forgotten, they both ran for his office door.  
  
"You can't mean..."  
  
"Certainly this can't be related..."  
  
Albus Dumbledore looked at the two recent graduates as if they'd just entered and were calmly waiting to speak with him. "Lyria, lovely to see you again. How's Sirius?"  
  
"Fine. We just got engaged." Lyri managed. "He's away now though."  
  
"Congratulations. Tell him I asked for him. Severus, thank you for coming on such short notice." Something about Albus Dumbledore's nature calmed them both down a bit, until he began to explain. "Now, Lyria, you contacted me hoping I'd be able to assist you in your attempt to collect information from Voldemort's circle. Severus here has been operating as a spy for some time now..."  
  
"Not surprised he joined," Lyria muttered.  
  
"Are you certain it's wise to tell her that?" Snape asked, glancing at Lyria as if she were a bug.  
  
"She is an Auror now, and you'll need to be honest with each other for this to work." Dumbledore continued. "What with the amount of time you'll have to spend together..."  
  
Lyria was certain her jaw was somewhere around her knees. "You mean to tell me you want us to pretend we're... pretend we're a couple?"  
  
"Indeed. I've taken the liberty of getting you a flat, and everything you'll need is already there..."  
  
"Professor, I'm perfectly happy to continue my work for you, but I have limits..." Snape began.  
  
"Consider it a personal favor." Dumbledore told him.  
  
He was silent.  
  
Lyria stood silently for a moment, trying to let this sink in. She held up her left hand. "Do you see this?? I'm *engaged,* Headmaster. Sirius will... well, it won't be pretty when he gets back."  
  
"I will speak to him. I suggest you two step off the grounds, apparate to your flat, and get settled." His tone told them the conversation was ended.  
  
  
  
Upon arriving, Lyria noticed that the place was lovely. It looked... lived in. As if some cultured young couple had been there for a year or two, meticulously caring for the place.  
  
Then she remembered that she and Severus Snape were supposed to be this "cultured young couple."  
  
He arrived just then, and glanced around as well. "He's trying to be too convincing."  
  
"Don't worry, I don't like you either." Lyria replied, stepping around the corner from the small entry they'd arrived in. The living room was elegant, with a rather flashy fireplace against one wall and dark blue furnishings. The green draped dining room, just next door, was entirely too big for only them. The study, Lyria was glad to see, was also blue. A house full of Slytherin green would drive her insane. Then she stepped down a hallway to find two doors.  
  
One bathroom. One bedroom.  
  
Lyria screamed.  
  
  
  
  
  
"I don't see why we're doing this," Snape snarled as he removed another dress robe from the trunk.  
  
"Because if you invite someone here and we're living out of trunks people will figure it out!" Lyria snapped. "Now unpack and shut up. I don't want to talk to you any more than I have to."  
  
"Oh, but that won't give away that we really hate each other." She could almost hear the disdainful sneer in his tone.  
  
"Why can't you be more like Sirius?"  
  
"Do *not* compare me to your motorbike riding freakish little Gryffindor lover," he snapped.  
  
"Oh, there's no comparison, don't worry." She replied with a pleasant smile.  
  
  
  
Lyria thanked her mother once again for teaching her to cook.  
  
Snape, obviously, was used to his house-elves doing everything for him. He was no better at cooking than he was at Transfiguration, which is to say all he could do was make things turn green—Lyria included. She had thrown out his attempt at dinner and made something decent.  
  
"You don't strike me as the cooking type," Snape told her.  
  
"What, you mean I'm not short with huge eyes wearing an old pillowcase?" She retorted.  
  
"Don't worry, I'm sure your little boyfriend isn't used to house- elves either."  
  
"My 'little boyfriend' can and will kick your ass. So watch yourself," Lyri warned.  
  
"Strider, your boyfriend doesn't impress me."  
  
"Good; there's one less man out there who has to worry about you hitting on him."  
  
The banter continued through dinner and for most of the evening.  
  
  
  
At about eleven thirty, Lyria decided to bring up the unresolved conflict that was keeping them both awake. Sleeping arrangements.  
  
"Who's sleeping where? There's one bed, and we sure as hell aren't sharing."  
  
"You'll take the bed, of course, and when you get the hell out of the living room I'll sleep here." He replied as if it was simply a fact.  
  
"Oh, no. Don't you try to be a gentleman. You sleep in the bed." She replied.  
  
"You fight with me when I'm nice to you; you fight with me when I'm not. Do you have this sort of repressed anger toward everyone, Strider?"  
  
"Better not call me that, *dear.* It's not exactly a pet name. But I'll take the bed." Lyria left the room.  
  
  
  
Severus Snape woke up to the sound of the bathroom door closing. Shit. Lyria had beaten him to the bathroom. Oh, well, no matter. He could eat while she showered, and then he could shower and she could eat. Yet another way to avoid each other for a bit. This could work out...  
  
It was 6 A.M. He sat down with breakfast and the Daily Prophet. He finished breakfast and the paper contentedly. Lyria was still in the bathroom. What the hell was she doing in there? With a sigh, he started the crossword.  
  
He'd finished the crossword. Lyria was *still* in the bathroom. 'Note to self: Do not ever move in with a woman!' How to kill time?  
  
Half an hour later, he had cleaned his wand, polished his shoes, reorganized his socks, and was banging his head against the bathroom door. One hour. She had been in there for ONE BLOODY HOUR!  
  
As if on cue, the door opened. Lyria emerged wearing minimal makeup, hair still wet, in her everyday Auror robes.  
  
He gaped. "It takes you an hour to come out looking like *that*?"  
  
Lyria did not waste words. Her fist connected solidly with his nose with a sickening crunch.  
  
"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL WAS THAT FOR?" He demanded.  
  
Lyria snarled and went to make tea. Apparently, she wasn't a morning person. Nice to know.  
  
An owl was tapping at the window. He immediately recognized it as belong to Lucius Malfoy. After repairing his nose, Snape opened the window and snatched up the note.  
  
"Just wanted to remind you that Nott's holding a dinner party this evening. I'm sure I'll see you there, so we can talk then. Are you sure you won't be bringing anyone?  
  
He quickly wrote out a reply that he would, in fact, be bringing someone and sent it off with his raven. Lyria was sitting at the table, staring blankly ahead and clutching her teacup.  
  
"Wonder how long it'll take you to get ready for this," he snapped, tossing the note at her.  
  
Lyria read it. "Oh won't this be lovely?" She gushed.  
  
"You're sadistic in the morning, do you know that?" He told her.  
  
"Dumbledore's the sadistic one, sticking us together. A dinner party?? With you? Ick..."  
  
"You aren't exactly a prizewinner yourself, despite what your little Gryffindor lover tells you."  
  
"He's my *fiance.* Get the new word through your head, Snakeface." Lyria barked.  
  
They quibbled for most of the day.  
  
  
  
At about 5, Lyria went into the bathroom to get ready.  
  
"You've got an hour and a half, don't make us late!" Snape hollered through the door at her.  
  
Silence.  
  
Fifteen minutes later Lyria emerged, in a lovely white dress robe, hair turned up, looking like an angel. Perhaps Black had something there, after all. "Wait! You can do that in fifteen minutes, and in the morning it took you an hour..."  
  
"No it didn't. I just sat around in there to bother you because I knew you wanted to shower," she informed him pleasantly.  
  
He snarled and went to get ready.  
  
  
  
"Anything I should know before we get there?" Lyria asked, pulling on her shoes.  
  
"They're all Death Eaters. Watch what you say. And the trick is for you to not say anything at all. We'll be discussing business, and you shouldn't be part of the conversation." He paused. "Listen. Collect information."  
  
"Don't worry, that's the only reason I'm putting up with you." She replied.  
  
They apparated off.  
  
  
  
"Severus! There you are! And who is your lovely companion?" Lucius Malfoy approached.  
  
Lyria had an urge to tell him who it was, but merely looked down demurely thankful for the acting classes she'd taken.  
  
"Lucius, you know Lyria." Severus introduced.  
  
"Isn't she...?"  
  
"Spying on that side. Where do you think I'm getting my information?" Snape smiled. He slipped an arm around her waist.  
  
It took all Lyria's self control not to slam her fist into his nose again. Instead she smiled up at him like a moron. Blech... thank God Sirius didn't expect this foolishness of her.  
  
"Whoa! Now I see why you brought her! So, when's the wedding?" Lucius gave Severus a conspiratorial grin.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?" Lyria yelped.  
  
Then it hit her. The ring. Sirius' ring.  
  
"They know, love. So much for the secret until the invitations." Severus tried his hardest to play along. "Though you were most... convincing in trying to prove otherwise."  
  
Lyria blushed.  
  
The night progressed.  
  
  
  
  
  
They apparated back to the apartment to find it wasn't empty.  
  
"Well done, nearly blowing our cover, Strider," Snape snarled. He still had his arm wrapped around her.  
  
"Well I wasn't expecting you to play along!!" She retorted.  
  
"GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY LYRIA!" A voice bellowed from the door.  
  
Sirius Black stood there, wand aimed directly between Snape's eyes.  
  
"Siri!" Lyria ran over to him.  
  
"Oh, how nice," Snape shot them a disdainful sneer.  
  
They paid him no attention as Sirius kissed her. "Are you okay?"  
  
She reached up to tangle her fingers in his hair. "I'm fine, honestly, it all worked out. I have all the information I could possibly need." She kissed him again.  
  
"Do I need to turn a hose on you two or something?" Snape yelped.  
  
"No. We're leaving. I already spoke with Dumbledore." Sirius kept a firm hold on Lyria and escorted her out. The sound of a motorcycle was heard as it took off into the sky.  
  
Snape breathed a sigh of relief. She was gone. It was over.  
  
Back to safe work, like fighting off the unforgivable curses and betraying Voldemort. 


End file.
